At the last Nationals I was doubled in 4 , sacrificing against 4 . The K lead (my singleton) and the sight of dummy were welcome, as prospects looked good to make it on a crossruff… alas, RHO overtook with the ace and spoiled everything with a trump return.
And so it goes away from the bridge table as well: Just as America’s prospects were looking good, everything is spoiled by a Trump return. Yes, Lilliput’s smallest resident (by stature not size) has returned for yet another four years. In case you missed a chapter, Trump Moved to Lilliput after his failed attempt to overturn the 2020 election — trust me on this — because no other country would take him. To get through the current term, we have to think small again, and the pervasive lack of integrity suggests no better start than the:
Needing just two tricks, it is tempting to exit with a heart to save your top trumps, but West simply wins and leads a trump to lock dummy with a club loser. The only solution is to lead the K to the ace, which catches East in a vice squeeze. He must keep the A, so the heart pitch allows you to win the last trick with the 10.
Before we go miniature, let’s look at another ending that won’t make America great again:
It looks promising to ruff your club with the Q, but this comes up short; the only other trick you can win is the A. To succeed you must draw trumps, which this time squeezes West. If he pitches a heart, you can overtake the K, or if he jettisons the A it is too easy, so he lets go the Q. Now you cash the K, then feed West a club as a stepping-stone to dummy’s A.
Either of the above squeezes works just as well in notrump, so my including a trump suit was frivolous. Nevertheless, consider it a patriotic gesture to assist the Supreme Court by alleviating its burden with frivolous Trump suits.
Both of my squeeze endings used extremely high cards, in fact much higher than would normally occur in actual play. Your job is to uphold the Lilliput tradition and take it to the other extreme:
Construct (1) a vice squeeze and (2) a stepping-stone squeeze, using the lowest possible cards.
Spades must be trumps, and South must lead first. For uniformity, the vice and stepping-stone threats must be in the heart suit (as in my examples) and the indicated squeeze must be the only way to succeed.
Smallness will be judged by the sum of all card ranks, with ties broken by the sum of South’s card ranks. In either case, lower is better. So what are you waiting for? Enter some cards… tiny ones please!
Quit
For each problem the object was to construct a valid squeeze ending (vice or stepping-stone) using the lowest possible card ranks. Whole scores indicate the sum of all card ranks, and hundredths show the sum of South’s card ranks; hence the latter is only a tiebreaker among entries with the same whole sum. The average score of all entries was 104.94, and everyone who scored better (lower) is ranked below. Ties are broken by date-time of entry (earliest wins).
A novel approach, submitted by Foster Tom and Dan Baker, was a “split vice,” which means that declarer’s highest heart is alone with the promotable card opposite. To wit:
Foster Tom: A diamond ruff squeezes West; a club pitch makes it easy, while a heart allows you to lead the 7 [to establish the 4].
Dan Baker: Seven hearts are required, so best is to split the remaining ranks 2-2-1 among suits.
While the above has the lowest possible rank sum, it’s a notch heavy in the tiebreaker. South’s rank sum can be reduced to only 7 with the following construction, found by four solvers:
Nicholas Greer: This is the smallest possible vice suit and the smallest possible outside cards. South can’t be given three twos, because the initial winner has to be opposite the high card in the vice suit.
Andrew Spooner: Leading a heart or a club fails, so South draws East’s trump, squeezing West.
Jim Munday: The stranded diamond winner makes this an unrealistic end position, but West is pinched on the 3.
The popular solution, submitted by five solvers, was the following:
Andrew Spooner: Leading a heart or a diamond fails, so South draws East’s trump, squeezing West.
Nicholas Greer: Swapping the 5 and 6 lets West escape with a heart discard.
Dan Baker: With five hearts needed, cheapest is for the other cards to be split 4-4-3… Rotating so North wins the first trump lowers South’s total to 12.
Only one solver found the smallest solution, reducing South’s card sum to only 11. The key was to give South the lone heart (opposite the stepping-stone threat) and three deuces:
Foster Tom: Draw trump to squeeze West. A heart pitch allows hearts to be run from the top. If West pitches a club, cross to the 5 and exit a club.
Times have changed. Just as with my last two puzzles, Best Contract and Par Excellence, no one found the optimal puzzle solution — in this case a total rank sum of 104.18. In my previous run of 72 puzzles this happened only once (World Series of Bridge). Come on, people! Sharpen up, or I’ll have to declare my cat the winner. Speaking of which, this cat keeper was able to hone his card-play technique:
Jim Munday: Given the cards I usually get, this exercise was tremendously helpful.
Prahalad Rajkumar: Trump’s squeeze play: Political opponents left holding tiny cards with no moves to make.
Clarification soon arrived from:
The Donald: “Tiny cards,” for sure, but some of them still make moves, then I bust their asses in court — or if they come from foreign jurisdictions, I up their tariffs to 75 percent! Looking forward to my return to Lilliput.
Yes, so am I.
© 2025 Richard Pavlicek
by Richard Pavlicek by Richard Pavlicek